With Love, Jhen
“Till sin be bitter, Christ will not be sweet.”
I sat on the edge of my bed and clenched the sheets beneath me. The tears were welling up and I knew I could not hold it in any longer, so I let it out and sobbed. I then fell on my knees to the floor and begged God for His forgiveness to wash over me.
I had believed in the power of the Cross as far back as I can remember, but up until that point, I hadn’t felt the need for such power, but now I was desperate for all I read Jesus claim to do in Scripture.
“Holy Spirit, let the power of “It is finished” wash away all that made me so far from God!”
I broke down on the floor beside my bed until all the energy I had vanished. I laid there, silently, as I slowly began to feel peace warm my soul.
I grew up in a home that valued me and made me believe in all the possibilities I could achieve. I grew up knowing how loved I was by the people around me and that I had a God who loved me even more. Yet, at 34 years old, I found myself feeling like I failed the confident young girl, who dreamed of making Jesus’ name great. I was lost in the drive to make wandering desires fulfilled. I was wrapped up in the good feelings I found in popularity, money, and experiences that I was never allowed to participate in before. The pain of every failure before was shadowed by the temporary pleasures of what I put in front of me.
But it all came crashing down.
So, as I laid there in the silence, the Word of God came alive as the scriptures I memorized and studied in my earlier years filled my heart with a peace that transcends all understanding.
I did not deserve it, but I was desperate for it.
Then, it was as if a phrase I had written, sang, studied, and whispered over and over much of my life, rested over me.
IT IS FINISHED.
Yes, every choice, every mistake, every sin against my God was still very much a part of my story, but my Jesus saw my story as He was nailed against that cross and said, “It is finished.”
I have come to terms with the fact that I do not have to erase what I have done or erase the memories I have that still haunt me from time to time, but instead, constantly fix my eyes upon Jesus, who never promised me a “good” life free from pain or heartbreak, but instead a life full of His love in the depths of it all. From this side of Eternity, my only aim is to keep my eyes on Him, “and the things of earth will grow strangely dim.”
“Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, you whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, you body is also full of darkness.” Luke 11:34
Learning to fix my gaze towards the ONE who grants life and life to its fullest (John 10:10), is the only thing I am called to do. All actions of my days will naturally fall into place and purpose when I just keep my eyes fixated on Jesus. I had spent so much time fixating my eyes on things I think I had to do, had to accomplish, or desired to experience, that I was slowly dimming the light within me. I had taken my gaze off of Him.
But we know:
“… that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38 - 39
I am so thankful, that even in my darkest desperation laying in the guilt of the sin that had surrounded me, His love had never left me. I had been given another chance to look up and fix my gaze on Jesus.
See, I’m learning that Jesus is far sweeter than the temporary pleasures of sin. My Jesus, is the only thing that takes everything I have ever done and anything I have yet to do and says, “You don’t owe God anything anymore.”
“Jesus paid it all,
All to him I owe,
Sin had left its guilty stain,
He washed it white as snow.”
- Original Hymn by Elvina M. Hall
Jhen is the creator and author at www.jhenandco.com. She is a wife to an United States Airman and a mama to three little girls. When she isn't homeschooling or chasing her toddler around, Jhen loves to write fictional love stories and sew. She dreams of opening a tea shoppe one day and hopes to meet you as a guest in her dream shop!
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